*NOTE: The following transcript is a fake, it never happened, thus it is… fake. Totally untrue. I think I already said that… Anyway, it's a load of BS made for no reason. It is what happens when you drink 10 coffees and a Snickers bar while sitting on the computer. So, don't do drugs and read on:

SM: I'll keep the congestion, thank you. What the hell was that all about?

    JC: Oh, I'm Flexonase's new advertising figure.

SM: You do ads for Flexonase?

    JC: Yeah. Their slogan is, 'we'll clear your snot like BF...

SM: That's really cheesy.

    JC: Hey, you're making all this up!

SM: Ok, ok, sorry.

    JC: Yeah.

SM: It's late, that's why.

    JC: It's like 5 P.M.

SM: Not while I'm writing this.

    JC: Oh, ok.

SM: Yeah. Wait, I think a coffee will solve the problem.

    JC: Make that two coffees. Mine without sugar or milk and a lemon.

SM: Right. (Walks to bar) Two cappuccinos, please. (Walks back) So, where were we?

    JC: I was just telling you about my evil plans in destroying those damn software monopolies...

SM: Right, sure, whatever. Can you tell us about Doom III's engine? Now with most of it written, what sort of stuff are you doing on the project?

    JC: I told you, I program the software for the cyberdemo...

SM: Back to reality please.

    JC (mumbles): Yeah yeah. Not much, just some bugs that occur during gameplay. Tim Willits and the rest are a lot busier, building levels and so on.

SM: Can you tell us what we can expect in the levels?

    JC: Well, you have to enter Valve's military installation and blow it up...

SM: You're obsessive about Valve Software, aren't you?

    JC: It pisses me off that they think they can do it better than me. BUT NO! Everyone knows they're wrong! And this March, they'll find out! MUHAHAHAHAHA!

SM (Takes JC's coffee): I think you've had enough for today.

    JC: Give it back.

SM: No.

    JC: Give it back this instant! (Speaks into his watch) SECURITY!

Two imps sporting tuxedos and dark sunglasses walk over.

    IMP 1 (in cool, British accent): Is there a problem, Mr. Carmack?

    JC: Yes, this guy here was harassing me!

SM: Harassing you? That's a load of bull...

    IMP 2: Do not argue with the great Carmack.

SM: But...

    IMP 2: It's His will that is of utmost importance.

SM: But...

    JC: Take him to the torture chambers. And don't spare his soul!

    IMP 1: Yes sir.

SM: What the hell is going on?

    JC: This is the suckiest interview I have ever endowed in. I forgot to ask, silly me: exactly what website do you work for?

SM: Well, I don't really work there, but...

    IMP 1: Answer His question directly.

SM: doom3portal.net. And that's why you should release me.

    JC (laughs): Why would that be.

SM: Because the webmaster- his name is Paul- he is your lost twin.

    JC: WHAT?

SM: Separated at birth!

    JC: So the Prophecy is true!

SM: Prophecy?

    JC: Quick, Sam, go and send an alarm to my colleagues. Put the production line on hold! I can't believe it! The prophecy is true!

SM: Have you been smoking marijuana or something?

    JC: Yes! With my and Paul's energies united, we shall destroy Valve software! The prophecy! Half-Life 2 be damned!

SM: Did I miss something?

    JC: Don't you see, you fool! Paul has dug into the very fabric of time, doing secret experiments...

SM: Ok, I think you've got the wrong Paul.

    JC: How would you know, he lives in the UK, does he not?

SM: Well, yeah...

    JC: The prophecy is true!

SM: Ok, I'm scared now…

    JC: See, 4,000 thousand years ago a crusade into the distant East disappeared. Behind it was left an ancient rune, through which the blind prophet foretold of Paul's coming...

SM: Err, ok?

    JC: This rune holds the future, the key to Valve's destruction! And using Paul's time-travel machine...

SM: Jesus, now you're bringing time travel into the picture?

    JC: But it's all true! The Prophecy...

SM: Ok, I'm outta here!

Spineless leaves the room.

Several days later he realises that he had not interviewed John Carmack, but rather, one of his overly-obsessive insane fans. This did not please Spineless, so he made sure that the guy was punished… In Quake 3 deathmatch, of course.

Spineless has left the building.

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